The Switch
by carryonmy-waywardson
Summary: Castiel Novak's life gets turned upside down when his best friend, Meg, decides she wants to have a child. Seven years after she gets pregnant, Meg returns with her son and Castiel's world crashes even more.


**Characters: **Castiel Novak, Meg Masters, Dean Winchester, Sam Wesson, brief mentioning of Anna Milton, Ruby Wilson, Jo Harvelle and other various characters.  
><strong>Pairings:<strong> DeanxAnna; MegxSam; CastielxMeg.  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13.**  
><strong>**Description: **This fic is _loosely _based (because I had to change some aspects of it) on the Jason Bateman/Jennifer Aniston movie,_ "The Switch." _It's not one hundred percent like the movie, but it's just similar enough - I think - to give you an idea. For those of you that haven't seen that movie/don't know what it's about, I will make a second description to let you know.  
><strong>Description 2.0:<strong> Meg Masters is a single woman that wants one thing - a child. Castiel Novak is her best friend, who is also madly in love with her, and he's decided to stick with her through the whole ordeal. But something goes wrong with Meg's choice sperm, Castiel doesn't find out until seven years later.  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> … None? General warnings, I 'spose; cursing, talk of alcohol, talk of masturbation (male), general fluff/schmoop/cuteness.  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 20,480

* * *

><p><strong>New York City - Seven years ago.<strong>

_Look at us; running around, always rushed, always late. I guess that's why they call it the human race. What we crave most in this world, is connection. For some people, it happens at first sight; it's when you know, you know. It's fate working it's magic, and that's great for them, they get to live in a pop song, ride the express train. But that's not the way it really works. For the rest of us, it's a bit less romantic; it's complicated, it's messy. It's about horrible timing and fumbled opportunities and not being able to say what you need to say, when you need to say it._

_At least, that's the way it was for me._

"No, Meg, I can't come to dinner tonight," Castiel stepped off the subway and nodded to someone before swerving out of their way, his phone plastered to the side of his head. It was chilly, even to be underground, and Castiel hurried up the steps, emerging into the sunlight, that provided little to no warmth. "I'm swamped with things to do at work and—"

"But I have something to tell you, Cas," Meg whined on the other line and Castiel bent his knees, arching his back slightly as he walked and groaned at his best friend's words. She always knew how to guilt-trip him, even when they were younger, and he sighed, clutching the phone tighter.

"But why can't you just tell me _now_, while we're on the phone?" He stopped at the edge of the sidewalk and looked both ways, watching as traffic thinned out, before stepping into the street and almost running to the other side. The other line was quiet and, for a moment, Castiel wondered if he'd lost the call. Muttering, he pulled the phone from his head, saw that the line was still connected, and brought the receiver back to his ear. "Meg?"

"Yeah, I'm still here - sorry," Meg muttered on the other line and Castiel could hear the sound of the phone being shifted and he sighed, walking down the sidewalk and to his office building. "And I can't tell you over the phone because I want to see your face when I tell you, you idiot," she laughed after calling him and idiot and Castiel rolled his eyes, opening the door to his building and entering it.

"Alright, alright," Castiel half laughed the words out as he made his way to the elevator and cradled the phone between his shoulder and head. "I'll be there when I'm done with work, but don't be mad at me if I'm late, okay?" When the elevator doors opened, he walked inside and pushed a button for his floor, grabbing the phone again, listening to Meg laugh softly on the other line.

"Of course not, who would get mad at _you _for being late, Cas?" Meg's laughter was now high pitched and Castiel pulled the phone away from his ear, wincing slightly at it. When he brought the phone back, he barely heard what Meg was saying. "…seven, I'm making chicken, so I hope you don't mind.." By now, the elevator had stopped and Castiel listened to the same high pitched ping he heard every day, just before the doors open.

"Seven, chicken, got it. Gotta go, Meg, I'll see you later." Without waiting for what Meg would say, he hung the phone up and slipped it into his pocket, walking easily through the larger office, until he got to his own. He pushed the door open and wasn't shocked to see Dean Winchester, his colleague - and one of his best friends - sitting at his desk, twirling a pencil between his fingers.

"What are you doing in my office, Dean?" Castiel sighed as he pulled his bag off of his shoulder and approached the desk, setting it on the floor beside it. His gaze was met by a wild pair of hazel-green eyes, and Dean simply smiled at Castiel, shrugging a bit. "Well then could you get _out_ of my office, so I can work?" Castiel nodded pointedly at the door, then to the papers that scattered his desk and Dean sighed, dropping the pencil to the desktop.

"Don't be so bitter, Castiel, I was just in here waiting for you - and now that you're here," Dean stood and rounded the desk, his hands shoved in his pockets, "I want to ask you a question." Without thinking, Castiel groaned and walked around the opposite end of the desk until he fell into his chair, leaning back against it. The leather was strangely warm and Castiel didn't like it, nor did he like the fact that things were out of place on his desk.

"Ask me what?" Castiel's eyes dropped from Dean's as he leaned forward and situated his desk until it looked the way it did before he left the night before. Satisfied with his workspace again, Castiel shot a glance back at Dean, who was staring at him like he was crazy. "What?" He asked sharply, setting his jaw and placing his hands on the edge of the desk, leaning back yet again.

"Oh, what? Nothing, it's nothing, Cas, but no - I wanted to ask if you would like to get a drink with me tonight. Kind of like a boy's night out, because Anna has been bugging me to hang out with you for a while now." Dean was leaning forward, his arms twisted so that his forearms were facing out, and his hands were gripping the edge. For a minute, all Castiel wanted to do was say yes to Dean's offer for drinks - especially if he was buying - but he shook his head solemnly.

"I can't, I'm having dinner with Meg tonight and I kind of already promised that I would do it." He shrugged as he spoke and laughed softly at Dean's expression, which was one of mock-horror. Rolling his eyes, Castiel slid down to the end of his desk and grabbed his bag, pulling it onto his lap as he sat back up. When he was sitting straight, he looked at Dean, noticing that his expression had softened, and it was almost sympathetic.

"You do realize that it's not a _date_, right?" Dean's eyebrow hitched as he spoke and Castiel sighed, nodding his head as he opened his bag. "Because, if I remember correctly, Meg put you in the friend zone about five or six years ago, right?" This time Dean laughed and Castiel shot him a dark glance through his eyelashes, shaking his head roughly.

"What - what even _is_ the friend zone?" Before Dean could reply to Castiel's question, the older man was shaking his head slightly, pulling papers out of his bag and placing them on the desk. "Meg and I have been friends for years because we _chose_ to be friends for years. Yes, we went on a few dates and it didn't work out, and I _may have _developed feelings, but love is overrated." This time, when Castiel looked up, he noticed that Dean's expression had completely changed and he sighed, knowing he hit a nerve.

"Not with you, of course - you and Anna were _meant _to be together, and I've never seen two people be so disgustingly in love as you two." That comment seemed to put a smile on Dean's face - as well a hint of colour in his cheeks - and Castiel found himself smiling in response to Dean's smile, and his blush, "Besides, love is overrated for me - I mean, women are… women are complicated, weird, fucking confusing creatures, and I don't get how anyone gets them."

"You just haven't found the right one - besides Meg - that lights that spark for you, Cas." Dean's words were soft and fading, and Castiel watched as he turned and headed for the door. Just as he grabbed the doorknob, Dean turned and gave Castiel a smile. "You and Meg should come out with Anna and I one night - it'll be fun, and it'll give us a chance to talk outside of this place." All Castiel could do to Dean's suggestion was nod and watch the man walk out of the door, before it clicked shut and he was left alone with his thoughts.

_Had _Meg put him in the friend zone all those years ago, or were they really just better off as friends? As he contemplated it, Castiel shook his head and ran a hand through his already-messy black hair and looked at the paperwork on his desk. Without stalling another minute, he dove right into work; writing inquiries and figures and working things out in his head, before writing them down on paper. He was so immersed in his work, that he hadn't realized the time - nor did he realize that he worked through his lunch break - and his stomach gave a loud rumble.

Finally looking up from all the legal documents on his desk, he looked at the clock on the wall and noticed that it was going on six o'clock. Dimly, he wondered why no one had come into his office looking for him when he hadn't come out, but shrugged it off as he gathered his papers together. He slid them into a manila folder and rolled back, opening the drawer in his desk, sliding the folder into it, before shutting it again. Sighing, he grabbed his bag and stood, sliding the strap onto his shoulder before heading out of the office and toward the elevator. When he got there, Castiel saw Dean standing there, the down button already pushed, and he slipped his hands into his pockets.

"Are you _sure_ you don't want to go out tonight, Cas? Not even after you and Meg have dinner?" Dean wasn't looking at Castiel, and he looked at the younger man, his eyebrows knit together. He shook his head slowly and laughed, watching as the doors opened, before he stepped in, followed by Dean.

"I'd love to, but I need to get some sleep tonight, I have court in the morning, remember?" Castiel leaned back against the wall, watching as Dean hit the lobby button, before he, too, was leaning against the wall. "Plus, I thought Anna didn't like you going out late and drinking, or did she _finally _let up on the whip?" Castiel laughed at his own joke, which went unnoticed by Dean, and he sighed when the younger man didn't laugh.

The entire ride to the lobby was quiet and tense, and Castiel was relieved when the doors opened and Dean stepped out into the foyer. Following him, Castiel walked past and to the doors, turning to give Dean a grin. The younger man responded with a grin just as wide as his own, and Castiel gave him a thumbs up, which was a weird gesture for him, let alone any man his age. Shaking his head, he walked out of the building and onto the sidewalk, waving down a cab.

He told the cab driver - who was a bit more Italian than Castiel had really liked - the address he was going to and sat back, watching the city pass by the windows. Sitting quietly in the backseat, he listened to whatever music the driver had on, bobbing his head slightly as he interlocked his fingers together and drummed his thumbs against one another. The words that came out of the speakers were Italian, or Spanish - Castiel really had no idea _exactly_ what language it was, all he knew was that it sounded foreign.

When the cab came to a stop, he grabbed a couple bills out of his pocket and handed them to the driver before stepping out, slinging his bag over his shoulder. With a heavy sigh, he walked through the front door of Meg's apartment building and took the stairs two at a time, until he was at the top, and he walked to her door. Lifting a hand to knock, Castiel rapped his knuckles against the solid wood and slipped his hand back into his pocket, rocking back on his heels. It only took a minute for Meg to answer the door, and when she did, she immediately wrapped her arms around Castiel.

"Hey, Cas - you're early!" She laughed in his ear and Castiel awkwardly wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close. He laughed, too, because it was only natural while around Meg, and allowed her to pull him inside. The smell of chicken, lemon, and some kind of herb - that Castiel could only assume was parsley - filled the air and he sighed, his stomach rumbling louder than before. Meg laughed when his stomach growled and shot Castiel a look, that he responded to with a shrug, and dropped his bag onto the floor before unbuttoning his blazer and removing it, hanging it on the coat rack by the door.

"I'm also starving, and it smells fantastic in here," Castiel muttered as he walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter next to the stove. "I didn't know you could cook so well," he teased, and got chastised with the large part of a wooden spoon, before Meg laughed and resumed stirring something on the stove. "So, did you want to tell me over dinner," Castiel reached over and grabbed a cherry tomato off top of a bed of greens and popped it in his mouth, mumbling as he chewed, "or can you tell me now?"

"I'll tell you when you've got some food in you, and you're not so _grumpy_." After Meg stirred the pot, she looked up at Castiel and put a hand on her hip, her lips curling into a smile. "Because I know if I tell you _now_, you are gonna flip shit and I don't want that - not right now, at least…" Castiel sighed impatiently and pushed off of the counter and walked over to her fridge, opening it and bending over, looking on the shelves. A moment later, he pulled back and shut the door, before walking over to the counter, grabbing the bowl of salad.

"If I eat some of this, will you tell me while I'm _eating_ it? Because I'm an impatient bastard that doesn't like things being kept from him," Castiel grinned and sat on a stool in front of the kitchen island and spooned some of the salad onto a plate in front of him. Not waiting for Meg's answer, he poured some of the salad dressing, that he'd grabbed form the fridge, onto the greens and set it aside. "Because I won't be so grumpy when I eat it," he muttered before grabbing a fork and stabbing another tomato, along with pieces of lettuce and cabbage, bringing it to his mouth.

"Alright, I guess I can tell you now, if you promise not to spit your food out in surprise or shock or wonder." Meg turned around and crossed her arms over her chest and Castiel looked up, chewing his food slowly as he tried to mumble the word 'promise' as he did so. Biting her lip to keep from laughing, Meg nodded and walked forward, until she was leaning against the counter, her hands now splayed in front of her. "I'm going to have a baby, Cas."

At the sound of those words coming from _Meg's_ mouth, Castiel choked on his food and struggled to swallow it before he was coughing. He watched as Meg's eyes got wide before she started to round the counter, but he lifted a hand and motioned for her to stay. After he coughed a few times, Castiel cleared his throat and swallowed hard, looking at Meg with a confused expression. "You're - pregnant?"

"Not yet," Meg shook her head and turned back to the pot on the stove, stirring it gently, "but I will be." When she turned around, the frown lines on Castiel's forehead were sunk in and she bit her bottom lip. "You think it's a bad idea, don't you? Well, I'm _not_ getting any younger Castiel, and I want a baby. I'm at a point in my life where— where I want this, more than anything, and I'm in a good spot, financially, _and _physically."

"I'm not saying you're not any of those things, whatever the physically part means, but I'm… confused as to _how _you're going to go about getting pregnant." Castiel swiped his hand in front of him, gesturing to her up and down, and then locked eyes with her. "You're single, and everyone knows that kids with single mothers turn into drug dealers and serial killers and those people that drive around with 'Free Candy' written on the side of a white panel van." Despite the serious tone of Castiel's voice, Meg was laughing and shaking her head, her face turning red from how hard she was laughing.

"Not _all_ kids with single parents grow up to be those things and you know it, Castiel." Meg turned once again and turned the stove off, moving the pan off the stove and onto the counter. Castiel snorted and turned back to the salad on his plate, stabbing some of it with his fork, before shoving it into his mouth. He ate quietly, looking up every now and again to watch Meg, his heart drumming against his ribcage. He wished, so badly, that he could stop feeling the way he was _every_ time he was around her, and he sighed, quickly finishing his salad before Meg turned around.

"Here, have some real food, please? It's pathetic watching you eat a salad.." Meg chuckled lightly and switched out the plates, giving Castiel a plate of chicken, rice, and broccoli, which he gladly dug into. He kept his eyes down and listened to dishes clank together, assuming that Meg was putting them away. A moment later, the stool beside him was being pulled away from the counter and he glanced to the side, nodding at Meg as he shoved another forkful of food into his mouth. Meg, on the other hand, was shaking her head and laughing, picking at her own food.

"Alright, so how _are_ you going to get pregnant?" Castiel still had a bite of food in his mouth, but his words were clear, and Meg didn't seem too keen on chastising him at the moment. She simply pushed food into her own mouth, as elegantly and politely as she always did, and smiled at Castiel. Raising a brow, he stared at her and tilted his head, pushing his neck out slightly, and pointedly, almost telling her to get on with it.

"I'm going to use a sperm donor." The words came out confident and strong, and Castiel was glad that he had swallowed his food before she spoke, or else he would have ended up choking again. He hadn't realized that his facial expression dropped, until Meg was staring at him with a cold expression of her own, before turning back to her plate. "It sounds dumb, I know, but I don't need a man to have a ba—"

"Technically, yes you do; where _else_ would sperm come from?" Castiel's voice was a bit on the harsh side, and he noticed Meg had turned back to him, only to roll her eyes at him, before turning away again. Sighing, Castiel pushed his plate to the side and rested his elbow on the counter, bending it and cradling his head in his hand. "What kind of sperm quality are we looking for?" Castiel had no idea why he said the word "we," but he had, and it was out there, and he couldn't take it back - nor was he entirely sure that he even wanted to.

"_I_" - Meg emphasized it a bit too much and Castiel snorted - "am looking for someone with good qualities. Smart, funny, tall, maybe athletic, but I'm not exactly picky." She picked up a forkful of food and ate it quickly and quietly, watching Castiel from the corner of her eye, with a smug smile on her face. Castiel was sitting there, his mouth slightly open and his eyes were wide and locked on her.

"I have a question," he started, and when he got a confirming 'hm' out of Meg, continued, "why didn't you ask for my sperm? I mean, I'm smart, tall, not so athletic, and I have a humour all my own, but that's beside the point." Castiel stopped and sighed heavily, wondering what the hell he was getting himself into if Meg happened to say yes - but he knew that she wouldn't. No one had a child with their best friend, because that only happened in movies, and this was real life.

"Castiel, you're - _good looking_, but not everything I want my child to be, or have." Meg looked at him with soft, almost apologetic eyes, and Castiel shook his head, stifling the laughter that threatened to rise from his throat. He turned back to his food and quietly picked at it, the silence falling heavy between him and Meg, the only sound that either of them made was the scraping of forks against the plate, and Castiel's occasional sigh.

"I think I'm gonna go," Castiel finally said after he was done and had been sitting in total silence for ten minutes, before turning to Meg. He plastered a fake, stupid, forced smile for her and leaned in, hugging her tightly. Even _hugging_ Meg made Castiel's heart thump in his chest and he suddenly wished he hadn't come. Not because Meg wanted a baby - no, he was fine with that; happy for her, even, if someone had asked. He regretted it because he had opened his mouth and suggested that she use his sperm, and not some stranger's. Smooth move genius, Castiel thought to himself as he slipped off of the stool and headed to the door, grabbing his blazer and his bag. He slid easily into the blazer and slung the bag over his shoulder, gripping the doorknob before looking over at Meg.

"Dinner was delicious, I'll call you tomorrow." He gave her a smile - one that seemed genuine at the time - and opened the door before stepping out into the hallway. Once the door was shut behind him, Castiel leaned against the wall beside it and sighed heavily, shoving his hands into the pockets of his slacks. He ran his fingers over his phone and, with a moment of hesitation, grabbed it and flipped it open, immediately dialing Dean's number. He listened to it ring as he walked down the steps, gripping the railing with his free hand.

"Hello?" Dean answered after three rings, and right before Castiel was about to hang up, and he suddenly smiled at his best friend's voice.

"Hey, Dean - it's Cas," Castiel started off as he hopped off the bottom stair and slid his hand into the pocket of his blazer, walking toward the door. "I just wanted to see if the offer to have a drink was still on the table, or not." His words came out better than Castiel expected and he turned his back, pushing the door open backwards, before turning and walking down the sidewalk. He could hear Dean laugh on the other end, followed by a woman's - Anna's - voice and his lips turned into a bittersweet smile.

"Yeah, offer's still on the table, Cas; meet me at Alan's Pub." Castiel muttered a quick okay and hung up quickly, walking toward the direction of the bar. The air was slightly chilly and he suddenly wished that he had a jacket, but shrugged as he made his way down the abandoned sidewalk. Cars zoomed past and Castiel occasionally glanced at them, looking at the drivers and the passengers, wondering how many of them were families.

That, of course, got Castiel to thinking of what he'd be like with his own family - horrible probably, he thought bitterly - and wondered if a woman would ever want to have kids with him. Other than being smart, and somewhat attractive, Castiel really had no other good traits, and he assumed that was why he was always pushing people away. He had obsessive compulsive tendencies, and he was a tad neurotic, also paranoid and he was always putting his two cents in, whether it was welcomed or not.

Yeah, okay - Castiel was a walking example of things you don't want for your kids. Not now, not ever - not even if he was the last of his breed in the existence, all of the women would be lesbians. It was pathetic to think of himself so so low, but that's what Castiel had done, always, and ever since Meg had rejected him after their third date. Maybe he wasn't good enough for her, but that didn't stop him from being in her life; he was there when her cat died, and when man after man dumped her. He walked in the rain at two thirty in the morning to a drugstore across town just because she was having menstrual cravings and wanted a special kind of chocolate.

And - okay, _maybe_ he was in love with her, but that didn't mean he had the right to be the father of her child. It didn't even give him the right to _ask_ her about it, or even offer her his sperm, like she would openly take it. If Castiel were her, he wouldn't have taken his sperm either, because he wouldn't want another one of himself. No one wants a kid that loves order and mundane things, and can be a little too obsessive about things that others could care less about.

While he wondered and thought, Castiel hadn't realized how much he'd walked, and how close he was getting to the pub. Stopping where he was, he looked up and down the street, judging the distance between the spot where he stood, and the taxi that was just down the street - if Castiel were being realistic, he would have said the car was a few yards from him. Taking the opportunity, he ran across the street and listened to the taxi pass him only seconds later, the driver laying on his horn.

That had made Castiel smile and he breathed deeply, sucking chilly air into his lungs before exhaling deeply. He continued to walk down the sidewalk until he got to a little building at the corner of the street, with a blinking neon sign out front. The sign had absolutely nothing to to do with the pub itself, and it always irked Castiel to see it, but now he welcomed it's odd blinking, it's weird, inaccurate name, and it's gaudy neon colours.

He walked into the warm, inviting pub and headed toward his and Dean's regular booth, not surprised to see that the younger man was already sitting there, a pitcher of beer sitting on the table top. Shaking his head, Castiel approached the table and dropped his bag onto the seat, before removing his blazer, throwing it on top of his bag. When he sat down, he unbuttoned the cuffs of his dress shirt and rolled the sleeves up around his elbows.

"You look fantastic," Dean laughed and took a sip of beer, watching as Castiel took the pitcher and grabbed a glass from the end of the table. All Castiel did was nod as he poured the golden liquid into the glass, before setting the pitcher back down and lifting the glass, taking a long sip. The beer was freezing cold and, in the type of weather they were having, Castiel would usually complain but he didn't mind; it was better than warm beer than made him think of piss, which completely turned him off of beer.

"Yeah, thanks," Castiel mumbled when he had sucked down half of the beer and set the glass back onto the table. "Meg wants to have a baby, did you know that?" He was staring at Dean and rubbing his thumb along the side of the glass, collecting the condensation as he watched Dean nod. Castiel snorted and leaned back, dragging his hands off the table and dropping them onto his lap.

"Anna might have mentioned it tonight while we were making dinner, and I thought you knew already I—" Dean stopped his words short, looking at Castiel and the expression on his face before sighing, waving the waitress over. When the young woman came over, Dean order them a round of shots - whiskey, not rum, not vodka, not anything else - and shooed her away. "Are you upset about it, Cas? I mean, she's getting old—"

"She's only _thirty_, Dean; that's not even _old_, and she already thinks that her ovaries are gonna shrivel and die in the next few years if she doesn't do this _right fucking now_." Castiel groaned and grabbed his glass, downing the rest of his beer before slamming the glass back onto the table, exhaling sharply. "I'm not upset, not really, I just think that having some stranger's jizz inside you - when you haven't even had sex with them - is a little gross.."

"And having sex with a total stranger and letting them come in you _isn't_ gross?" Dean laughed and drained his own beer, just before the waitress came back with five shots of whiskey for each of them. Both men muttered a thank you, and Castiel immediately grabbed his first shot, downing it quickly and slamming the shot glass back onto the table.

"Well, that's not as gross as taking a - a fucking turkey baster and shoving it, you know, _down there _and squirting come in yourself." Castiel shook his head and shivered, the whiskey warming his throat and almost making him cough, but he kept it at bay with another shot. "And I asked why she didn't ask for mine, because - fuck, I'm a good guy, don'tcha think?" Castiel had the third shot in his hand and he did it quickly, listening to Dean laugh.

"Yeah, you're a great man, but no one wants the sperm of their _best friend_, Cas. It would be awkward, unless you two had a fairy tale ending, which is total bullshit." Dean knocked back his first two shots and swallowed them, watching Castiel's shoulders hitch before falling again. His eyes were on the shot glasses in front of him, which were now flipped upside down, and he sighed heavily.

"Maybe you're right, but - a _stranger_, Dean! How fucking weird and gross and fucked up and…. _ew_ is that?" Castiel's voice was rising and Dean leaned forward, putting a hand on Castiel's shoulder and squeezing roughly. The older man yelped and wrenched away from Dean's grip, rubbing the spot where he'd squeezed. "I'm sorry, but she's gonna get some gross man's sperm, put it inside her, and have a kid. All by herself, and she— she doesn't even _want _me to offer my sperm."

"Maybe because she's in love with you too, and doesn't think you two will work and doesn't want the kid to be a reminder." Dean shrugged and downed another shot, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and sighing. "Maybe she's afraid of getting hurt and ruining what you guys have now, you ever think about that?" Castiel was staring at Dean with his mouth open, his head moving back and forth, before he dropped it onto the table with a small thud.

"I should be _thrilled_ that she didn't want my sperm, but I'm not. I can't stop picturing it, a kid that could be our—_ours_, and then I have to fuck it up with my thoughts." Castiel sighed heavily and sat up, finishing off his shots before rubbing at his face, sighing harshly and growling. When he pulled his hands away, Castiel grabbed his blazer and stood, slipping it on before grabbing his bag. "I gotta go, Dean - I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He fished around in his pockets and threw down a couple of bills, before offering his friend a smile. Turning away, Castiel made his way through the crowd and out into the crisp evening air.

Castiel walked to the edge of the sidewalk and hailed a cab, getting into the back when one stopped and muttering his address. The driver eyed him in the rear view mirror but nodded quietly, before driving down the road and making a left. As the car moved, Castiel leaned against the back seat and let his head tip back until he felt cold leather touching his scalp. Sighing, he settled into the seat and clasped his hands onto his lap.

***Two weeks later***

Castiel had just walked into his apartment building and he went to get his mail, thumbing through it as he walked upstairs. The usual things were there - bills, more bills, random magazines Castiel can't even _remember _subscribing to, and a letter in a pale pink envelope. The latter was the only real thing that interested Castiel and tossed the rest of the mail onto the table, tearing into the pink envelope as he walked into the living room.

The first thing Castiel saw when he pulled the thick card out of the envelope was the word "pregnant" in big, bold letters, and his stomach churned. For the past few weeks, he had tried to forget that Meg was going to have a baby - even when she dragged him to meet potential donors, he had blocked the thought out. He'd simply tell himself that they were clients, and that she was merely interviewing them to see which one would best fulfill her needs.

And it had worked, until the moment he got the invitation to Meg's "I'm Getting Pregnant!" party. That's exactly what it was, too, because the invite said so - "Join my in celebration as I get closer to becoming pregnant!" and "Pregnant Party!" were pasted at the bottom of the card and Castiel felt as though he were going to get sick.

His eyes fell onto the date and time, realizing that it was that night he sighed, sinking down against the couch before lifting his wrist, looking at his watch. If he was going - and he was seriously considering _not_ going - he had only an hour to get ready, and get to Meg's apartment. Part of him wanted to call Meg and tell her to shove the turkey baster up her ass and keep it there, but he knew that he couldn't; the other part of him knew that he _had _to go, because Meg was his best friend.

"Some best friend," he snorted as he got to his feet and dropped the invitation onto the couch as he pulled his blazer off. Castiel made his way to the bedroom and pulled his tie off, letting it hang loosely around his throat as he folded his blazer up on the bed. Minutes later, he was standing in front of his closet in only a pair of briefs, staring at his close and muttering to himself - "Now what looks good to go to an 'I'm getting knocked up by some stranger's sperm' party?"

Finally, he decided on a dark flannel shirt and a pair of khakis, along with his more casual dress shoes - if there ever were such a thing - and he was out of the house twenty minutes before he had to be at Meg's.

The cab ride to Meg's apartment made Castiel's stomach churn even more and, several times, he wanted to ask the driver to pull over and let him spill the contents of his stomach on the ground. No - even if he _could_ vomit, Castiel seriously doubted that he would, at least not when he was thirty seconds from Meg's apartment building. When the cab stopped, he threw money at the driver and slammed the door harder than necessary. Castiel breathed in a deep gust of cold air and walked through the front door of Meg's building, before heading up the stairs.

Even if he had never been there before - which he had, more than a hundred times - he would have known which party it was from the noise coming from the walls. Grimacing, he walked through the door and was bombarded by loud music that had bass so high it made the walls shake, and a parade of people walking around with drinks in their hands, laughing and having a good time.

"Right now would be a perfect time to bail," Castiel muttered to himself, still gripping the door knob until he saw Meg standing with a few of her friends. It was almost like they were connected telepathically, because the moment Castiel's eyes landed on her, Meg was turning to smile brightly at him and wave him over. Smiling at her, he lifted a hand and gave her a half-hearted wave before pushing off the door and heading over. On his way, he grabbed a glass of champange off of a tray of numerous ones and downed it before he was a foot away from Meg.

"Castiel! You made it!" She nearly squealed the words and Castiel put his hands out innocently, shrugging as he set his glass down on the table behind them. Meg's arms immediately flew around his neck and she pressed herself tight against Castiel - something that he wished, desperately, that she would _not _do. When she pulled away, and he was able to breathe again, Castiel turned to look at the girls Meg was talking to, and recognized neither of them.

"Cas, you remember Ruby," Meg motioned to a short brunette and Castiel tipped his head toward her, offering a polite smile even though he didn't know who the hell she was. "And this is Jo Harvelle, a girl I work with." He nodded at both of them this time and smiled even wider, putting on a show in front of Meg's friends. He couldn't get a word in, even if he wanted to, because the three of them immediately started gabbing about the donor — calling him cute, handsome, and _oh so_tall. It sickened Castiel, and he decided that he needed liquor.

"I'm gonna go find something to drink." Castiel slipped his hand onto Meg's hip and pulled her close, whispering the words in her ear, and moving when she waved a hand dismissively and ended up smacking him in the face. He didn't mind, and she didn't notice, so he walked away and headed toward the kitchen, where only a few people were standing.

Castiel went for one of the highest shelves and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, before bringing it down and grabbing a glass from the cabinet underneath it. Leaning against the counter, he spun the top off the bottle and sloppily poured himself a glass, before knocking it back. It wasn't until his second glass, that Castiel noticed that he wasn't alone and he turned, eyes set on a tall man.

"Uh, hi." The man chuckled and smiled at Castiel, showing off perfect teeth and dimples and perfect everything, and he grumbled. "I'm Sam - Wesson, I'm the uh… donor, I guess you can say." Sam's hand was extended and Castiel raised his eyebrows, looking at him up and down, before taking his hand.

"Castiel Novak - the best friend of the gal" - He pointed in Meg's direction - "that's gonna use your sperm, to knock herself up." Castiel pulled his hand away and poured another half glass of whiskey, offering the bottle to Sam, who declined politely. Shrugging, Castiel set it back onto the counter and put the top on it, before turning back to Sam.

… Who was perfect, in Meg's sperm donating standards, at least.

He was tall - well over six foot - and he had the most beautiful hair Castiel had ever seen, save for Meg's dark brown locks, and he had a smile that made even Castiel's heart throb. Okay, maybe this guy had _some_ good traits, but Castiel couldn't see what all the fuss was about - so what if the guy was pretty? Castiel was smart, and he'd end up being there for the child no matter what. Would Sam Wesson do that? Probably not.

"I'm gonna go sit down, Sam. It was nice meeting you, though," he smiled brightly at Sam, even though it was fake and forced, and stumbled around until he found an empty seat at the table. Castiel sat down and downed the rest of his whiskey, before he watched as Ruby walked over, a smile on her face. Grumbling under his breath, Castiel turned away in an attempt to look busy, but it was too late; Ruby was already dropping into the seat next to him.

"Are you having fun, Castiel?" Ruby asked and Castiel rolled his head toward her, his eyes locking on hers. He didn't answer for a minute, just looked at Ruby and tried to remember where he knew her from, but was coming up short. Sighing, he shrugged and turned to the food on the table in front of him and began eating slowly.

"I'm a little uptight because I'm one of few males at a pregnancy party." Castiel almost snorted the words out as he brought a few chips to his mouth and chewed them slowly, turning back to Ruby. "_Who _has a party for getting pregnant, before they're really knocked up, anyway? It's fucking weird, and unnatural. I thought that's what baby showers were for…" Castiel was rambling and he hadn't realized that he was, until Ruby shook her head and smiled.

"Here take one of these." Ruby's eyes fell to her purse and she produced a small tin, before opening it and taking a small pill out. Before he knew it, Castiel had it between his lips and he was swallowing it dry, almost choking on it. "It should make you feel a _lot_ better," she smiled and stood up before Castiel could even ask what the hell she'd given him.

Not even fifteen minutes later, Castiel was sitting in the chair with his legs spread and his hands dropped between them, eyes fixated on nothing. He was staring at the wall, which was bare and a boring colour, and giggling every few minutes. Castiel didn't know if he was drunk or high or dreaming, but whatever it was - he liked it, and it made him feel good.

Shortly after he started staring at the wall, people moved in front of it and he snapped his attention away, suddenly feeling the urge to use the bathroom. He stumbled to his feet and made his way down the hall, and to the bathroom. Giving the door a knock, he confirmed that no one was using it and walked in, shutting the door behind him.

The bathroom was clean and the back of the door was covered in papers and calenders that Castiel didn't know the significance of as he sat down on top of the toilet seat lid. He looked around and then turned to look at the sink, his eyes falling on a small cup sitting on the edge of the porcelain. Intrigued, Castiel picked the plastic up and looked at it, barely reading the name - Wesson, Sam - and shrugged.

Before he knew it, the cup was falling out of his hands and into the sink, where the top came off and a white substance came running out. A small yelp came from Castiel's throat and he stood up, immediately turning the water on, before he realized what the substance was. Turning the water off, he brought the cup up and watched as water, mixed with sperm, began dripping out of it and he bit his lip to keep from screaming.

"Oh god, that was her _perfect _sperm, oh my god.." Castiel was babbling as he looked at the sperm that was sliding down the side of the sink and down the drain. On impulse, Castiel washed the cup out and dried it completely, before falling back onto the toilet seat. He had the small cup on his knee and he was searching through Meg's catalogs, before he got to a Victoria's Secret magazine.

Biting his lower lip, Castiel undid his belt quickly, followed by his khakis and boxers, all three articles of clothing falling around his ankles. He flipped the pages open and stroked his cock until he was fully hard, eyes glued on the pictures of scantly clad women.

He worked his cock and writhed against the porcelain, chewing on his bottom lip to keep himself from moaning. He stroked harder and flipped the page with his free hand, his gaze falling on pictures of women wearing bras that pushed their breasts up and out. "Jesus, fuck…" Castiel moaned, his vision going white hot as he tipped his head back, feeling sweat drip down his face and over his throat.

Licking his lips absently, Castiel scrambled to his feet and grabbed the cup, positioning the head of his cock so that it was pointed at the opening. A few more strokes, and Castiel was groaning and bucking his forward, coming in the plastic cup. He stroked himself through the orgasm and set the cup on the toilet seat, panting heavily. When he looked up, Castiel looked at himself in the mirror and saw his disheveled look; his shirt was unbuttoned on the bottom and his hair was sweaty and messy.

Exhaling sharply, he turned and put the cap back on the cup before putting it back on the sink, right where he'd found it, and pulled his pants up. When he was dressed again, Castiel grabbed a towel and wet it - careful not to spill the contents of the cup _again_ - and wiped his face with it. When he was halfway decent, Castiel walked back out to the party and tried to remain calm, but everything was so _weird_, and he kept giggling at just about everything.

Thankfully for him, though, Meg ended the party earlier - at ten, nonetheless - and everyone was ushered out of the tiny apartment. Walking outside was almost blissful for Castiel, and he found himself walking in the opposite direction of his home, but toward Dean's and Anna's house instead. It was early, and he figured they were still up, but he made a detour on the way and ended up in a bar.

At three o'clock in the morning, Castiel ended up on Dean's lawn, passed out in his own drool, with the neighbor's dog curled up beside him. When Dean woke him up the next morning, he was moaning about Victoria Secret Angels and muttering things about switching and mixing up and doing something bad.

By noon the same day, Castiel was no better - nor worse - than he was when he started his night, and all he wanted was to lay down and sleep. He didn't remember a thing from the night before - which was fortunate for him - and he had the taste of grass and vodka in his mouth the entire day.

***Another two weeks later***

Castiel was laying on the couch, with a book on his lap and a beer resting on the coffee table when his phone rang. He contemplated ignoring it, but after the third ring, realized that it would be rude and he sighed, leaning forward to snatch his cell off the table. Flipping it open, Castiel didn't bother to look at the caller ID before pressing the receiver to his ear. He didn't have time to even breathe one syllable, let alone a _word_, before he was interrupted by a high pitched voice on the other line.

"I'm pregnant, Castiel!" Meg's voice was happy and Castiel felt something tug on his heartstrings, not to mention whatever strings were connected to his stomach. It knotted and he sat up, closing the book without a second thought and throwing it on the end of the couch. His mind was reeling and he sorted through the words in his head, though there was really _nothing _to sort through, and finally his mouth opened, words spewing out before he could stop them.

"Yeah? Hey, that's awesome Meg - what you've always wanted." To Castiel's surprise, his words actually sounded genuine and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as Meg went into a tirade about her doctor's appointment and how she had gotten to see the embryo on the ultrasound. The whole talk of this - ultrasound goo and the thing they used to check her cervix, and embryos - made Castiel feel oddly sick and he closed his eyes.

"And the doctor says that I'm due sometime in July! I'll have a _summer_ baby, Cas!" Meg's voice was an even higher pitched squeal, and Castiel laughed numbly to himself. At least there are no dogs in this building, he thought to himself, wincing at the pain in his inner ear when Meg squeals. Finally, her noises turned into real words, and soon she's babbling about baby names, throwing ideas out at Castiel, to which he mumbled 'yes' or 'no' or 'I dunno, why not name the kid something traditional?'

Before Castiel knew it, they had been on the phone for an hour before Meg finally realized the time and excused herself from the call. That was the first time Castiel actually wanted her to hang up, and when she did, he slammed the phone shut and sighed, leaning back against the arm of the couch, wondering if things could get any worse.

The only thing he didn't count on, was things _actually_ going from bad to worse in two point five seconds - figuratively.

A few weeks later, while Castiel and Meg were out on one of their baby clothes shopping sprees, Meg had been unusually quiet and Castiel had tried to coax something out of her. He even tried to show her something that looked like a jail jumpsuit for a child, that had giraffes and elephants and other safari animals on it. Not even the cuteness, or Castiel's comments about it looking like a jail outfit, and the bars of the crib being the jail bars, pulled Meg out of her mood.

"What's wrong with you?" Castiel finally asked her when they were walking out of the store, their hands filled with bags, and Meg turned away from him, staring straight ahead. It was enough to make Castiel mad, but he calmed himself down and shrugged it off, giving her time to spill the beans all on her own - which didn't take long. Two minutes into their walk, Meg stopped and turned to Castiel, her lips pursed together.

"I'm moving." The words were out of Meg's mouth so fast that Castiel was _sure_that he had missed them and he cocked his head to the side, eyebrow quirking. "Back to Texas in a few weeks, so that the baby can be around my parents.." Meg was nodding, her eyes downcast from Castiel's, and she was absently kicking the sidewalk. Castiel opened his mouth to say anything - to say no, tell her to stay and be with him - but he couldn't find the words.

The only thing he could do was mutter okay, before they were walking again, and Castiel wondered if this was it; if this was his last few weeks of being with Meg - even if it _was_ just platonic.

Three and a half weeks later, Castiel watched as the movers emptied out the rest of Meg's things out of her apartment, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved in his pockets. It was cold, and the weatherman said it was supposed to snow, and it was just an all around shitty day for Castiel. For one, he had to say goodbye to his best friend - someone he was in love with, hopelessly - and he was freezing his nuts off at six o'clock in the morning, watching a bunch of strangers haul Meg's stuff out of the building.

When everything was loaded into the moving truck, Meg walked out of the building, a small bag on her back, and her purse clutched in the crook of her arm. She joined Castiel against the wall and nudged him playfully, to which he didn't respond with anything, other than an aggravated grunt. Sighing, he pushed off the wall and looked at Meg, a smile barely touching his lips as he brought her into his arms.

"I'll see you around, alright? Let me know when you land, and - keep in touch." Castiel whispered the words before pulling away, resisting the urge to grab Meg's face and kiss her. Swallowing hard, he forced a smile and dropped his hands, turning to walk away before Meg could even say anything. As he walked, Castiel shoved his hands into his pockets and walked away from the one thing he'd known for way too long, and walking toward the unknown.

No, it wasn't unknown; he still had his job, and he had Dean and he had Anna and their other friends, that he'd never really met, but socialized with once or twice. He would be fine without Meg, whether he really believed it or not, and he inhaled deeply as he listened to a car rush past him, barely giving it a glance.

In the backseat sat Meg, her head turned around to look at Castiel until the taxi was turning right, and she was out of sight. A pain hit his chest and he sighed again, breathing deeply and exhaling sharply as he walked home, fully intent on going back to sleep and skipping work that day.

* * *

><p><strong>New York City - Seven years later.<strong>

It was a hot day in the middle of May and Castiel had the day off, which was giving to him by himself, and he was laying on the bed. He was on the middle of the mattress, on his back, with his iPhone held in the air as he responded to a few texts. When he's done, Castiel sets the phone on the bed beside him and closes his eyes, reveling in the fact that his air conditioning decided to finally work. He was half dozed off when he heard his phone ring beside him and he groaned, grabbing it and answering the call without looking at the ID. "Castiel Novak," he muttered and tried to make his voice professional, but he was too lazy.

"Castiel." The voice on the other line breathed his name and Castiel stared at the ceiling, the phone loosely pressed to his ear. "It's me, Meg." Her voice sounded happy and for a split second, Castiel felt his heart thump in his chest and he sat up on the middle of the bed, running a hand through his hair. "Cas? Are you the—"

"Yeah, I'm here," he almost sighed the words out and dropped his hand to his neck, rubbing his fingertips in little circles at the base. "Meg, wow - it's been a while since we last talked." Castiel tried to keep the hurt from his voice, but it was still there and even _he _had to wince at how pathetic he sounded. He swore that he could hear something on the other line - like a sudden intake of breath, and he suddenly wished that he hadn't said a word.

"Yeah, sorry - I've been kind of busy with Gabriel and my new job, so I haven't had the time to call like I did before." Despite the assumption that he had actually _hurt_Meg with his words, Castiel noted that her voice didn't sound any less cheery than it had seconds ago, when he answered the call.

"Gabriel, huh? That's what you named him." Castiel didn't know anything about the kid, other than he belonged to Meg and some anonymous stranger that was tall and good looking at had perfect _everything_. He also knew the kid's age - or roughly knew it, anyway - and now he knew his name. Not sure if he was supposed to make a comment about the name choice, Castiel laughed softly - more to himself - and fell back against the headboard.

"Yeah, I like that name - and it fits, you know," Meg laughed and Castiel could briefly hear a small voice in the background. "Hold on," she muttered before there was a shift and soft static as the phone was being moved around. Castiel could barely make out the conversation Meg was having with the kid - Gabriel, he assumed - and he closed his eyes, wishing for that moment to be a dream, as well as the last seven years of his life.

"Sorry about that, Gabriel was asking me a question." Meg huffed out a laugh and Castiel barely smiled at the sound, his heart drumming harder against his ribs. If it were humanly possible, he would have imagined his heart would beat a hole through his ribs and explode through his chest, leaving a mess of blood and arteries and pain all over. But he knew that wasn't possible and he was glad it wasn't, because he enjoyed his life, even though he was alone.

"It's alright," he muttered quietly and turned his head, staring out the window and out into the afternoon light. A few birds flew past his window and Castiel smiled at them, listening to their faint chirp before they flew away. "So, any reason you're calling after all these years?" The words came out harsher than Castiel really intended and he was about to apologize, before Meg spoke again.

"Yeah - I have big news." Meg paused and Castiel could hear her breathe deeply and he raised a brow. "We're moving back to New York, Gabriel and I are, that is." Castiel sucked in a breath and let it go through his nose, trying to calm his heart from pounding or his hands from shaking, or his lips from curling into a grin. To say that he was happy about Meg coming back to New York was an understatement; he was _beyond_ excited and happy, but he was also worried about meeting her son.

"When?" Castiel breathed and closed his eyes, listening to the faint sound of a kid laughing in the background, and he wondered if he could do this. He worried about rekindling his relationship - no, _friend_ship - with Meg with her having a kid, and a familiar pain came creeping along his chest.

"We're actually in the process of packing our stuff up now, but we'll be there in a few days' time." Meg sounded happy and Castiel wished that he were happier than he was, but he just couldn't muster it. Instead, he snorted and imagined himself going to Meg's house and seeing a kid that looked like Mr. Perfect. The image made his stomach twist and he suddenly blinked his eyes open, clutching the phone tighter.

"Days? Wow, that's - that's awesome, Meg. I'm really glad you're coming back." And he was glad, in a way, but he was still worried about the kid. Okay, maybe he was _more_than worried - more like afraid and nervous and terrified that she wouldn't want to be around him when she got back. "We should have dinner when you get here," he offered, switching the phone from one hand to the other, moving it to the other ear. "I can come over, help you unpack and the three of us could go get something to eat, catch up and I can meet the ki— Gabriel."

"I'd like that," Meg laughed the words out and Castiel couldn't help himself from imaging the way she looked now. Of course, he imagined that she was still as beautiful as the last time they had seen one another, and suddenly all the nervousness and worry went away - even for a little bit. "Something that's quiet, okay? Ah, sh— I have to go, Cas. I'll call you when we get there."

"Okay—" Castiel started but Meg had hung up by the time he opened his mouth and he sighed, dropping his phone onto his thigh and running a hand through his hair. He gave it a tug, just to see if he was awake or dreaming, and yelped at the slight pain in his scalp when he did so. Sighing, he scrambled off of the bed and left his phone on the mattress, listening to it buzz faintly until he was in the next room. When he got into the living room, Castiel scratched absently at his lower stomach and ran his free hand along the nape of his neck, heading toward the kitchen.

From that moment, until the day Meg moved back, all Castiel could think about was seeing her again and telling her how he felt. That is, until he met Gabriel and his entire world spiraled and his reality came crashing down.

Two days after Meg's phone call, Castiel was in a cab, heading to her new house with knots in his stomach and sweaty palms. He was beyond nervous, and he was starting to wonder if he should tell the cab driver to turn back around. Before Castiel could tell the guy to turn around, they were pulling up to a nice looking house, and Castiel breathed in deeply. He paid the guy quickly and walked around the back of the cab, heading up the steps and onto the porch of Meg's new place. He knocked quickly and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for someone to answer.

But, when the door did finally open, Castiel wasn't greeted by Meg or any of her friends, but a small, black haired boy instead. The moment Castiel laid eyes on the child - who he could only assume to be Gabriel, Meg's son - all the breath was knocked from his lungs and he caught himself staring. Soon, the little boy's face was twisting into a look of confusion and he stared up at Castiel.

"Who are you?" His voice was small and high-pitched and Castiel chuckled lightly, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. He was just about to answer the child's question when Meg came up behind him and rested her hands on either of his shoulders. Gabriel looked up at his mother and Castiel's eyes followed. When he looked at Meg, he breathed in slowly and felt his lips curl into a smile.

"Gabriel, this is my old friend, Castiel." Meg smiled at Castiel and he suddenly wanted to grab her and pull her into a hug, but he couldn't because Gabriel was in the way. He looked back down at the child, with his rounded face and his shining blue eyes and then looked back at his mother. Confusion set in, as Castiel remembered, vaguely, the man from the party at Meg's, the night she was getting pregnant. He couldn't exactly remember what colour the guy's eyes were, but he was sure that they weren't blue. Shrugging it off, Castiel's gaze fell back to Gabriel, and he forced a wider smile.

"Hey, Gabriel. It's really nice to meet you." Castiel tried to make his words as sincere as possible and, when the kid shrugged his shoulders and wrenched away from his mother's grip, he knew that he had failed. Sighing, he watched the kid run away down the hall and into the living room, before turning back to Meg. "You look amazing," he mumbled as he stepped forward and put his arms around her waist. Pulling her tight against his own body, Castiel could feel his heart drumming against his ribs again and he willed them to _stop_.

"So do you!" Meg laughed when they pulled away and Castiel held her out at arm's length, just looking at her. "You let your hair grow," she muttered, half amused by the length, and Castiel felt fingers in his hair. Normally, he would be freaked out, but he didn't mind when Meg did it; it actually felt kind of nice when her fingers were running through his hair, and he suddenly realized how much he had missed her.

"I missed you." The words were out before Castiel could stop them, and he felt his cheeks burn slightly. Much to his surprise, Meg's own cheeks were turning a faint shade of crimson and he chuckled, wishing that he could kiss them.

"I missed you too, Cas. I'm sorry I never called; I meant to, I really did, I just got caught up." Shaking his head, Castiel smiled and rubbed Meg's sides idly, before dropping his hands and shoving them into his pockets. Neither of them said anything for a minute, until the sound of something from the TV pulled them back into reality.

"It's fine. Uh - should we go in and unpack?" Castiel nudged Meg lightly and watched as she turned and led him inside. Shutting the door behind him, he looked around the small house and sighed deeply, slipping out of his shoes - as directed by the pile of them by the door, and the fact that Meg was barefoot. After his shoes were off, Castiel walked into the living room and saw that it was mostly filled with furniture, and that Gabriel was sitting on the couch, eyes glued to the TV. Raising a brow, Castiel looked at the screen and saw a lion mauling a zebra.

"Should he —" Castiel started, turning to look at Meg, his eyebrows still raised and his hand motioning toward the TV. Before he could finish, she laughed and shook her head, motioning for him to follow her.

"He watches stuff like that all the time, and I don't know why. He's just really into nature and science and reading." Meg shrugged and led Castiel to a large bedroom, that he could only assume was hers, and she sat down on the floor in front of a large box. Castiel followed suit and groaned when he sat down, crossing both of his legs, one under the other.

"So, how's Gabriel like New York so far?" He asked, pulling things out of the box - without looking at them - and placing them into the empty drawer to their left. Meg laughed and shrugged, turning her attention away from Castiel and to the drawer. "Not so much, eh?" Castiel almost laughed as he continued pulling things out of the box, shifting them into the drawer as an awkward silence fell over them.

The minutes slipped into hours, and by the time Castiel had realized what time it was, it was too late to make their reservations. Which was fine with him, because he was tired and didn't feel like going out. Instead, they ordered in and ate in the living room, while Gabriel watched something about snakes and rattled on and on about which ones were venomous and which weren't. Castiel nodded to the kid's comments and ate quietly, occasionally looking at Gabriel, his eyebrows knitting together.

By the end of dinner, Gabriel had passed out on the couch and Castiel offered to help Meg put him to bed. He carried him into the room and laid him down on the bed, until Meg announced that she could take it from there. Castiel backed up and leaned against the door frame, watching as Gabriel sat up and rubbed his eyes, mumbling sleepily.

He watched the two of them quietly, with a smile on his face, and he listened to Meg explain why sleeping with one stuffed animal, rather the other, was better for him. When Gabriel was in his pajamas and covered up, Meg turned back to Castiel and smiled, ushering him out into the hallway. Once the door was shut, Castiel opened his mouth and sighed, speaking for the first time in a little while.

"You're a great mother." Castiel smiled and leaned forward, kissing Meg on the cheek before pulling back. When he did, he saw that Meg was chewing on her bottom lip and he gave her a look of confusion, tilting his head to the side. "What is it?" Castiel asked, crossing both arms over his chest as he leaned back against the wall.

"I was wondering if you could watch Gabriel tomorrow, for a few hours? I have a meeting at my new job that I can_not _miss, and it would mean so much to me if you two would spend some time together." She smiled brightly and moved forward until she was leaning against Castiel, her cheek pressed against his folded forearms, and her arms wrapping around him. "Please, please, please.."

"I dunno, Meg, I don't think that I should be allowed alone with children for several hours," Castiel half-laughed and looked down, watching as Meg turned her head toward him, her golden brown eyes looking up at him. She had a pout on her face, which was something she'd never done before, and he sighed heavily, rolling his eyes. "I guess I can keep myself from being a paranoid asshole for a few hours, enough to watch Gabriel."

"Thank you, thank you!" Meg moves her arms around Castiel's neck and pulled him closer, his own arms squished uncomfortably between their bodies. He grunted and moved them until they fell from between his and Meg's chests, until they were wrapped around her loosely.

"You're welcome. I guess I'll come pick him up, just text me when and I'll be here." Castiel smiled when Meg pulled her arms away and their eyes locked when she pulled further away. Sighing, Castiel pulled away and gave her an apologetic smile. "I should probably head home now, before it gets too late." Without another word, he leaned down and kissed Meg's cheek before pulling away and walking down the hall. When he got into the foyer, Castiel pulled his shoes on and headed out the door, his heart thrumming in his chest and his lips pulled back into some idiotic smile, but he didn't care.

The next morning, Castiel was woken up by his phone ringing next to his head and he grumbled, rubbing his eye with the heel of his hand before blindly reaching in the direction of the ringing. Blinking his eyes open, Castiel grumbled and hit 'accept' before bringing the phone to his ear, mumbling hello before yawning.

"Sorry to wake you up, but my boss just called and said the meeting was changed at the last minute, and I need to leave in half an hour." Meg's voice definitely did sound apologetic, but Castiel couldn't stop himself from groaning when he willed himself to sit up, and rubbed his eyes again, this time with the back of his hand.

"What time s'it?" Castiel's voice was heavy with sleep and he yawned again, lifting his hand from his eye to his hair, raking his fingers through it. He heard Meg laugh on the other end and heard her say that it was some time after ten o'clock and Castiel stared at the wall in front of him with wide eyes. She asked him if he though he could make it and Castiel snapped his head back and forth in an effort to wake himself up. "Yeah, just - I'll be there in a bit, don't go anywhere."

Before Meg could even respond, Castiel had hung up and he was jumping off the bed and heading to the bathroom. Not allowing himself enough time to have a shower - he calculated, in his head, that it would take him roughly twelve minutes to bathe - Castiel splashed cold water on his face and hair. Running his fingers through the dark locks, he managed to flatten them _somewhat_ so it didn't look like bedhead and he headed back to his room.

He was quick to go to his closet and pull out a pair of jeans, a button-up shirt, and his belt, before pulling it all on as he made his way to the bed. Leaning over the mattress, Castiel snatched his phone, unplugged it, and quickly pocketed it before heading into the living room. Yawning, he scratched the back of his neck idly as he made his way to the kitchen. Castiel opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water - wishing that it was coffee - and shut the door, before turning to the counter.

After grabbing an apple, Castiel bit into it and held it in his teeth as he walked to the door. Stopping just in front of it, he grabbed his keys and his wallet, before slipping his shoes on. He pulled the apple out of his mouth, after taking a large bite, and unlocked his door before heading out. After the door was shut and locked once more, Castiel made his way down the hall and the stairs, because the elevators in his building were being worked on.

The whole trip - from his apartment to Meg's - had taken longer than he thought, and when Castiel got there, he had only a few minutes to spare. He had eaten his entire apple on the way - and chucked it into the trash can of an unsuspecting resident - and had half a bottle of water left when he mounted the steps and knocks on the door, scratching the back of his neck. It only takes a few seconds for the door to open and he's greeted by Meg, wearing a pinstripe blouse and a skirt.

"Thank you for doing this," Meg stepped forward and grabbed Castiel's hand, half dragging him into the house. Stumbling inside, Castiel laughed and shrugged, not able to tear his eyes away from Meg's outfit. "Here's a key to the house, in case you need to come back for _any_ reason," she handed him a keyring and Castiel slid it into his pocket, nodding slowly. "I'll be back in two or three hours, but if it takes longer, I'll let you know." With a nervous smile, Meg leaned in and kissed Castiel's cheek, so close to his lips that, if Castiel turned his head, he could easily kiss her.

But he didn't.

"We'll be fine, won't we Gabriel?" Castiel turned to look at the boy, who was sitting at the table with a book in front of him. It was a book about bugs and Castiel raised an eyebrow, half intrigued. Gabriel nodded, but didn't look up from his book until Meg walked over and kissed the top of his head. He looked up at her with those deep blue eyes and Castiel stared at him, until Meg blocked his view. She was talking to him about being good, and listening to "uncle Cas," before she turned to Castiel and smiled again.

He smiled back and walked her to the door, watching as she stepped out and walked down the steps. When she got into her cab, Castiel waved and shut the door, sighing before letting his hand slide off the knob and turning to walk into the kitchen. Running a hand through his hair, Castiel stood beside Gabriel and looked at the book he was reading - the page he was on was about the Praying Mantis and Castiel shuddered.

"Alright, Gabriel," Castiel said as he sat down in the seat beside the kid, his hands folded on the table top, "what do you want to do today?" His voice was soft and he stared at the kid, until Gabriel's eyes swung up and away from the book, locking on Castiel's. There was something strange about his eyes, and Castiel couldn't put his finger on it, and it bugged the hell out of him. Pushing the worry and wonder out of his mind, Castiel raised a brow, smiling at Gabriel.

"Can you take me to the museum?" Gabriel's eyes shone and Castiel smiled, nodding his head before standing again. To his surprise, Gabriel had smiled back before shutting his book and joining Castiel. The two of them walked out of the door, and Gabriel locked it just before shutting it. Also to Castiel's surprise, the kid's hand slipped into his own and he half-smiled as they walked down the steps and onto the sidewalk.

After grabbing a cab, Castiel helped Gabriel into the backseat and told the driver where they were going, before looking out the window. The entire drive to the museum, Gabriel kept pointing things out to Castiel; tugging on the sleeve of his shirt rapidly while he tapped on the glass, annoying the driver, but making Castiel smile. He had to admit that the kid was okay; he was interesting, attentive, and smarter than any other six year old that Castiel had ever encountered.

When they got to the museum, Castiel got out and helped Gabriel out, before paying the driver and turning to the building. Even before they stepped foot inside, Gabriel was rattling off facts and trivia and Castiel nodding, a broad smile on his face as he led the boy inside. The moment they were inside, Gabriel stopped and looked around, his eyes growing wide, and Castiel took a look around himself, amazed.

"Let's go this way." Castiel pointed toward an animal exhibit and he felt Gabriel's hand in his own, again, and allowed the child to pull him along. They were only in the exhibit for a minute before Gabriel started telling Castiel about snakes - which seemed to be his favourite animal - and Castiel listened quietly, nodding here and there and offering the child a few 'yeahs' and 'ohs' every now and then.

After spending almost two hours in the museum, Castiel convinced Gabriel that ice cream was the perfect thing after a long day of learning, and he eagerly agreed. Leaving the building, Castiel led Gabriel down the sidewalk, answering several questions the child had.

"Are you married?" _"No."_ "Why not?"_ "I like being single."_ "My mom's not married either." _"I know."_

And so their conversation went until they got to a small ice cream shop on the corner and headed inside. Castiel took Gabriel to the counter and looked at the selection of ice cream, wrinkling his nose at half the flavors. Before too long, he ended up ordering a plain vanilla cone, before turning to Gabriel. "What do you want?"

"Chocolate." Gabriel spoke up immediately and smiled up at Castiel, who returned the gesture before turning back to the man at the counter. He put their order in and watched as the guy turned and began getting their cones together. While they waited, Castiel looked around the shop and whistled quietly under his breath, listening to the drum of fingers on the counter. When Castiel turned, he saw Gabriel's hands were on the counter top and he was drumming his fingertips against it, almost in time with Castiel's whistling. Smiling, Castiel shook his head and turned back to the cashier, who held two cones in one hand, while the other worked on the register.

Once their ice cream was paid for, Castiel grabbed his and Gabriel's cones, along with a handful of napkins, and handed the chocolate one to the kid. After a big smile and a thank you, Castiel chuckled and the two of them walked out of the store and back onto the sidewalk. Looking up and down the road, Castiel's eyebrows knit together as he took a lick of his ice cream.

"Can we go to the park?" Gabriel's voice was muffled and Castiel looked down, watching as the kid attacked his ice cream cone and laughed, nodding his head. Holding his hand out, Castiel waited until Gabriel took it before walking them across the street, just before traffic started, and took a left, heading back the way they'd come, and to the park.

"Castiel?" This time Gabriel's voice was clear and Castiel hummed quietly, licking his ice cream as they walked, the park in their line of sight. "You have a funny name.." Gabriel giggled and licked his ice cream, prompting Castiel look down at him, a look of shock on his face, before he broke out into a grin, nodding as he ruffled Gabriel's hair.

"I know, it means 'Angel of Thursday.' It's kind of cool though, right?" Castiel shot a look at Gabriel, who looked back up at him and nodded. Laughing, he continued to eat his ice cream and walk to the park, finishing the cone just before they got there. "Plus, your name is way cooler than mine." Castiel offered when they stopped so Gabriel could clean his face off, before he stared up at Castiel.

"How? It's just a name.." Gabriel wiped his hands and face with a napkin while Castiel shook his head and laughed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"No, see - Gabriel is the name of one of the most amazing Archangels there was," Castiel started as they headed into the park, before he dropped down onto a bench so that he was eye-level with Gabriel. "It also means 'God is my strength," which is pretty cool, you know, 'cause Gabriel was such a fierce Archangel." To his amazement, Gabriel was smiling and nodding his head, almost as if he were eager to learn more.

"So, Gabriel's one of the best Angels in the whole Garrison, and don't let anyone tell you any different, alright? If anyone bothers you, just tell them you're powerful 'cause of your name, alright?" At that moment, Castiel's pocket went off and he rolled his eyes, pulling his phone out before reading a text from Meg - 'How's Gabriel doing? Are you two okay?' Sighing, Castiel narrowed his eyes and looked at his phone.

"Sit up here with me, Gabriel," Castiel smiled at the kid, before he scrambled onto the bench beside him and Castiel brought up his camera, holding the phone out until he was sure both of them were in the frame. He tapped the camera button and heard a small noise, to indicate that the picture was taken, and he brought the phone back, looking at the screen. "Do you think she'll believe we're okay with this picture?" He showed the phone to Gabriel, who nodded and smiled, before getting off the bench.

"I'm going to go on the swings, Castiel." Gabriel announced before Castiel nodded and warned him not to stray too far, to which the kid agreed to and quickly ran off. Shaking his head, Castiel sent the picture to Meg with the caption - 'Completely okay. At the park, chilling, how are things with you?' After the message was sent, he leaned back against the bench and watched Gabriel play on the swing set.

A minute later, Castiel's phone went off and he read a reply from Meg - 'Things are going alright, should be out in half an hour.' Castiel replied with a quick text saying okay, before he pocketed his phone and stood up, making his way to where Gabriel was. When he got closer, he watched Gabriel hop off the swings and head toward him, yawning loudly.

"Sleepy?" Castiel asked, laughing softly as he bent down, eye-level with Gabriel, who was nodding and yawning again, rubbing his eyes. "We'll take the bus home, okay? That way you can nap until we get back, but - if you want - I can carry you to the bus stop?" Castiel half-expected the child to say no, and to flip out, but he nodded sleepily and held his arms out.

Despite himself, Castiel could feel himself smiling and he rested his hands underneath the boy's arms and lifted him up. Before he knew it, Gabriel's arms were around his neck and his head was pressed against his shoulder. His smile grew ever wider as he walked out of the park and down the sidewalk again, stopping at the bus stop. As Castiel stood there, he listened to Gabriel snore softly against his shoulder, and he held the boy tightly, humming under his breath.

When the bus got there, Castiel stepped on and got one of the bigger seats, before sitting down at the window and sitting Gabriel beside him. He put an arm around the kid and allowed his head to fall against his chest, before turning to look out the window. All the time, Castiel wore a smile on his face, despite the fact that he could feel people's eyes on them. Of course, it _could_ have been his paranoia - and Castiel would have chalked it up to that, had he not turned to see a woman looking at them. He smiled tentatively at her and pulled Gabriel close to him, almost instinctively.

"He looks a lot like you." The woman finally spoke up, smiling brightly at Castiel, and he looked from the woman speaking, to Gabriel, brows knit in confusion. Shaking his head, he looked back up at the lady and smiled gently at her.

"He's not my son." Even as he said the words, something in the back of Castiel's mind told him otherwise, but he shook his head, watching as the woman nodded, her smile fading slightly before she turned away. Sighing heavily, he settled back against the seat and alternated looking between the window and at Gabriel, making sure that he was still asleep.

"Well, regardless, he's like a mini-you." The woman smiled one more time before the bus stopped and she stood, throwing Castiel one more glance, the smile on her face broadening before she got off the bus. When they were moving again, Castiel took a long look at Gabriel and took in all of his features. Yeah, okay, the kid had _his_ eyes, and _his_hair - but that could also be Meg's - and he had some of Castiel's traits, but that didn't mean he was his.

It could mean that his paranoia was worse, and that he had finally flown the coop; had finally gone crazy, and believed that this child was his. It fit with his paranoia, of course, and that only made him even _more_ paranoid. Of course Gabriel wasn't his; couldn't be, because he and Meg had never slept together, and she had the sperm donor, Mr. Perfect.

Before Castiel knew it, the bus was stopped again and he shook Gabriel a little to wake him up, only getting sleepy grumbles of protest. Chuckling, Castiel lifted Gabriel into his arms and walked off the bus, heading toward Meg's house. Shifting the child onto his hip, Castiel unlocked the door and pushed it open, walking into the living room before laying Gabriel down on the couch. Much to his surprise, the kid wouldn't unlock his arms from around Castiel's neck and he had to fight to pry them away.

Once he had gotten the kid's arms detached from around his neck, Castiel sighed and took Gabriel's shoes off, taking them to the foyer and laying them on the floor. As he was taking his own shoes off, Castiel heard the door open and looked toward it, seeing Meg, and he instantly smiled at her. She smiled back, soft and gentle, and kicked her heels off.

"How was the meeting?" Castiel asked, and regretted it immediately. After the words were out, Meg snorted and laughed, pushing past him, making her way to the kitchen. Without saying a word, Castiel followed and dropped into one of the chairs, sighing as he leaned back against it, watching as Meg opened the fridge and grabbed two bottles of beer. She handed one to Castiel, who took it with a slight nod, and fell into a chair next to him, twisting the cap off.

And then she started to talk about her day - saying how horrid some of her co-workers were, and how glad she was to _not_be working with half of them all the time. Meg kept talking, drinking from her bottle every now and then, and Castiel nodded; listened and drank his own beer quietly, never allowing his eyes to leave her face.

After an hour of talking - about both of their days - Castiel looked at the time and muttered that he should probably go. He stood, finished his second beer, and leaned down to give Meg a hug, to which they were both reluctant to pull away from.

"Tell Gabriel that I said goodbye, when he wakes up." Castiel smiled when he finally pulled away, handing the spare house key to Meg, before heading to the door. After he slipped on his shoes, he waved back at her, before walking out of the house and back onto the sidewalk. Instead of taking a cab, or waiting to catch the next bus, Castiel decided to walk, and soon he found himself walking in the direction of Dean's house.

Twenty-two minutes later, Castiel was standing in front of his best friend's house, just staring at it, debating whether or not he should go in. He _needed_to go in; needed to talk to someone about what the woman on the bus had said, and what he had gathered all on his own. Swallowing hard, Castiel walked up the steps of Dean's porch and stood in front of the door, exhaling sharply before pressing the doorbell. He listened to the chime play, fading away only to be replaced with the sounds of approaching footsteps. When the door opened, Castiel was greeted by Dean's wife, Anna, and he quickly smiled at her, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"Oh, Castiel." Anna half-laughed as she pulled the door wide open and stepped behind it, motioning for him to come in. Once he was inside, Castiel heard the door shut and he heard the clank of heels against hard wood, until Anna was standing in front of him again. "We didn't know you were coming over, but it's a nice surprise." She smiled at Castiel, and he could feel himself blushing, but his smile never faltered.

"Yeah, I just —" Castiel paused and licked his lips absently, biting the lower one before lifting a hand, scratching idly at the side of his neck. "Is Dean home? I really need to talk to him; it's kind of important." He shrugged and gave Anna half of a laugh, before she nodded and led him through the foyer, through the living room and kitchen, pointing toward the backdoor.

"He's out there with his laptop; keeping up with the score of the game, I imagine, but I don't think he'll mind if you go out and talk to him." Anna patted Castiel on the back for reassurance and he suddenly wondered if she could sense what was wrong - could women do that? Could they sense, just by looking at a man, what was wrong with him - or was it just his paranoia? Either way, he smiled softly at her, muttered his thanks and opened the back door, stepping outside quickly.

"Aw, c'mon!" Dean was yelling and Castiel walked over, clapping him on the shoulder before falling into a chair in front of him. When the younger man realized that Castiel was there, he shut his laptop and looked at him, a lopsided grin on his face. "I didn't know you were coming over, Cas." Dean shrugged and leaned over the side of his chair, opening a small cooler before grabbing two bottles of beer, offering one to Castiel.

"Yeah, sorry to barge in," Castiel started as he grabbed a bottle of beer and twisted the cap off, "I just needed to talk to you, you know, man-to-man." He snorted and took a long sip of his beer, before setting it on the table. Swallowing hard, Castiel looked at Dean, the smile fading from his face, and he lifted a hand, rubbing his jaw lightly.

"Yeah, of course. What's up?" Dean's eyebrows knit together as he took a long drink of his own beer, before settling it on the arm of his chair and leaning back. Sighing, Castiel watched his friend and shook his head - more a gesture of not knowing where to begin, or what to say, than a negative answer - and looked at the bottle in front of him.

"You know how Meg had a kid, right? Seven years ago?" As Castiel talked, Dean nodded and muttered 'yeah, sure,' before taking another sip of his beer. "Well, she moved back - which I'm sure you already know - and I got to meet the kid." This time, when he spoke, Castiel could feel his palms sweat and his fingers were trembling nervously.

"Yeah, so? S'there something wrong with him, or her?" Dean wore the face of a man who had just been asked to choose between one sport or another, and Castiel almost wanted to laugh at the confusion that washed over his friend's face. He didn't laugh, but he did grab his beer and down the whole thing, before clearing his throat.

"Nothing's wrong. She's great, the kid is - the kid's fantastic, Dean. He's smart, and polite, and he's just an all-around amazing child…" Castiel stopped and swallowed, grabbing his phone from his pocket before bringing his pictures up. "There's just, one tiny problem. When I was on the bus today, some woman said that he looks _exactly_ like me," he bit down on his bottom lip as he brought up the picture of himself and Gabriel, before turning the phone to Dean. "So, I dunno, it got me to thinking - what if he _is_mine? Doesn't he look like me?"

"Well…" Dean took the phone and lifted his beer, bringing it halfway to his lips before stopping, his eyes wide and set on the screen. "I… Castiel - _this_is her son?" Bringing his bottle back down onto the arm of the chair, Dean leaned forward and stared at the screen again, occasionally looking up at Castiel, watching him nod slowly.

"Yeah - his name's Gabriel, he's about six years old, he'll be seven sometime soon.." Castiel swallowed again and scratched at the base of his neck, pulling at his collar. "I mean, it's a coincidence, right? That he's got _my_ hair, and _my_ colour eyes…" He was starting to ramble, so Castiel pursed his lips and watched Dean shake his head slowly.

"Castiel, if I didn't know any better - I'd say that he _is_ yours." Dean set the phone on the table between them and slid it to Castiel, setting his jaw. "But the question is, _how_did this happen? I mean, did you two —"

"No! God, no. She - she doesn't think about me _that _way, and I don't understand how…" Castiel trailed off when he suddenly remembered that night, falling back against his seat when he realized what he had done. A strangled yelp escaped from his lips and he brought both hands to his face, running them down slowly, moaning against his palms.

"What is it?" Dean's voice was louder than before, and Castiel shook his head back and forth violently, cursing loudly against his hands. He sat like that for a few minutes, before he gained the courage to drop his hands to his lap and look at Dean, chuckling harshly.

"That night of her _pregnancy_ party, I think I might have… I - I think I switched the sperm she chose, with my own…" Now, Castiel's voice was low and he could feel his entire face burn up, from the tip of his ears to the base of his neck, and he sighed loudly. Staring at Dean, he watched as his friend's face went through emotions in less than three seconds; from confusion, to anger, to shock, one after another.

"I do _vaguely_ remember you being passed out on my lawn, mumbling about Victoria's Secret and mixing up and doing something bad…" Once he was done speaking, Dean suddenly laughed and stood up, clapping his hands together, before bringing them under his chin, pressing his fingertips against it. "Dude, you _have_to tell her!"

"No, I can't," Castiel shook his head and got to his feet, running a hand through his hair as he grabbed his phone with the other. "I _can't _tell her what I did, Dean; she'll hate me forever, and I'll never get to…" He paused and swallowed hard, slipping his phone back into his pocket, looking up at Dean with a soft expression.

"You'll never get to see Gabriel again?" Dean finished Castiel's sentence, watching as he nodded, and they both laughed. Their laughter got louder, and soon Anna came out to see what they were doing, and Castiel sobered up, remembering what they were just talking about.

He muttered that they weren't talking about anything, and he hugged her, before leaving and heading home. The whole way, all Castiel could think about was the fact that he screwed Meg's pregnancy up - and now he had a son. Of course, he wasn't upset about the latter part, but he was shocked with himself that he had fucked it all up for her. She wouldn't forgive him, when she found out, and the thought of that - the thought of having Meg out of his life, and taking Gabriel away - made his heart hurt.

When Castiel finally got home, he undressed and fell into bed; pressing his face into the pillow and grumbling angrily at himself. Before too long, he fell asleep and dreamed of things he'd once dreamed of before - being with Meg, and having a family, but only this time it wasn't dreamed up; the family was real, and Castiel, Meg, and Gabriel were all happy together.

After close to a month of not hearing from, or speaking to Meg, Castiel got a text from her, asking if he could come over to talk. He wanted to ignore it, but part of him longed to go there; wanted to see her, see Gabriel, and tell her what he did, but he knew that he couldn't. Instead, Castiel agreed to come over and talk, and told Meg that he would be there at six o'clock.

When six rolled around, Castiel was standing out in front of Meg's house, staring at it before sighing and walking up the steps. This time, he felt guilty and dirty and _bad_ and he wanted to turn around, to run away from the mistake he had made. Swallowing hard, he knocked on the door and heard a small voice yell, before hearing heavy footsteps approaching. The door swung open and Gabriel was standing in front of Castiel, before running toward him, throwing his small arms around Castiel's waist.

"Castiel!" Gabriel screamed and Castiel couldn't help but smile as he ruffled the boy's hair and watched as he pulled away. "C'mon in," he said and grabbed Castiel by the hand, pulling him inside and shutting the door behind them. Allowing himself to be pulled by Gabriel, Castiel could hear several voices in the living room and he raised a brow, wondering who it could be.

When they stepped into the room, Castiel's world came crashing down when he saw the guy sitting next to Meg. He didn't know the guy's name, of course, but he knew who he was - the man who donated sperm to Meg.

"Oh, you're here." Meg's words were almost scrambled and Castiel nodded, feeling his lips form into a thin line. "Castiel, this is Sam; Sam, this is Castiel, my best friend."

The two men didn't say a word; but Sam smiled at Castiel, and he tried to smile back at Sam, but it was pointless. Instead, he turned his attention to Gabriel and immediately smiled, allowing the boy to pull him down into a chair. Castiel sat down and couldn't help but look at Sam.

Gabriel looked _nothing_ like him; Sam had brown hair, not black, and he had green eyes, not blue. The realization only made his stomach twist in knots and Castiel felt like he was going to throw up. Absently, he could hear Gabriel talking beside him, as Meg and Sam talked; Meg throwing her head back and laughing at something that Sam had said.

"Meg, can I - uh, talk to you?" Castiel's voice squeaked a bit on the last word, and he stood immediately, turning to Gabriel. "I'll be back in a minute, buddy." The little boy smiled up at Castiel and nodded, which made Castiel smile back at him, before turning to watch Meg stand, an awkward expression on her face. "Outside - _please_?"

Meg said nothing, only nodded as she led Castiel outside, shutting the door behind her and following Castiel when he walked down the steps. He was standing on the sidewalk, both hands in his hair, raking it back slowly. Turning around in a slow circle, Castiel kept his eyes on the ground and didn't notice when Meg stopped in front of him, until he felt her hands on his forearms. He stopped and dropped his hands, careful not to pull from her grip.

"I have something _really_ important to tell you." Castiel sighed heavily and looked at Meg, studying her quietly as he waited for her to speak. When she hadn't spoken for a moment, he sighed again and opened his mouth, before getting interrupted.

"Sam and I are together." The words were fast, soft, and they hit Castiel like a knife in the chest, and he stepped back, pulling his hands away from Meg's grip. He stared at her, mouth open slightly, and his eyes wide, waiting for her to say she was kidding, or even to explain what she meant. When she just stood there, staring at the ground, he laughed harshly.

"You mean you're with the guy that _donated_ his sperm to you? After _seven_ years, Meg? Are you gonna tell Gabriel that Sam's his dad, too? Or are you just gonna wait another seven years, huh?" Castiel was shaking with anger - and probably from being upset, too - and he lifted his hands, grabbing his hair as he stared at Meg. She didn't say anything, but Castiel could hear her sniffle and the noise tore at his heart.

"I called him," Meg started, wiping her eyes with the tips of her fingers, her eyes locking on Castiel's, "and wanted to see if he - if he wanted to maybe _meet_ Gabriel, and he said he did…" Castiel stood rooted in the same spot, his fingers locked in his hair, and his breathing uneven. He could feel the tightness in his chest and he wanted to throw up; wanted to scream at Meg more, but he couldn't.

"But, uh," she chuckled, sniffling loudly as she crossed her arms over her chest, "what did you want to tell me?" Meg's eyes were soft and rimmed with tears, but Castiel couldn't feel sorry for her, not in that moment, and he just shook his head, walking past her without a word. He took the steps two at a time and walked into the house, heading for the living room.

"Hey, Gabriel - I've gotta go." Just saying the words made Castiel want to cry, but he held back and knelt down in front of Gabriel, forcing a smile. "I, uh, don't know when I'll see you again, alright? But I _promise _I will try to come see you for your birthday, just gotta call me and tell me when and where it is." Laughing, Castiel sniffled and swallowed hard, holding his arms out for a hug.

"Where are you going?" Gabriel's face twisted with sadness and Castiel shut his eyes, shaking his head quickly before pulling the kid in for a hug, feeling two small arms wrap around his neck. He held onto Gabriel for a moment, before pulling away and smiling at him.

"I'm not going anywhere, just - I have a lot of important things to do at work, and I dunno if I'll have time.." Castiel stood and raked a hand through his own hair, before ruffling Gabriel's hair. "But I will make time for your birthday - I promised that." After Castiel spoke, he watched Gabriel nod slowly and he turned away, the pain in his chest making it hard to breathe until he was outside.

As he made his way down the steps, Castiel met Meg at the bottom and said nothing, didn't look at her as he passed and walked down the sidewalk. Hands clenched at his sides, Castiel took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself, but he still wanted to punch something, preferably Sam, but he knew he couldn't do that.

An hour later, he fell onto his own couch and fell asleep face-down on it, his arms folded underneath his head.

***Three months later***

Castiel had only seen Gabriel once since he had the fight with Meg, and that had been in the middle of July, at the kid's birthday party. Since then, Castiel couldn't stop thinking about the kid; wondering how he was, and wanting to see him, but he never did. The closest he got was standing across the street, in front of their house one evening, watching as Meg and Sam sat on the porch with Gabriel. But all he could see, was Meg, Gabriel, and himself instead.

After that, Castiel tried not to think about Meg or Gabriel or even Sam, though he wanted nothing more than to punch that man in the face. So, to keep his mind off things, Castiel threw himself into work, hanging out with Dean and Anna, and drinking more than he really should have. He took up hard cases at work, spent hours slaving over a valid argument to keep the defendant out of jail, and he rarely slept.

All of this crashed, of course, when his cellphone went off at six o'clock in the morning, only moments after he'd finally fallen asleep. He grumbled and reached blindly for it, tapping the accept button from memory, and bringing the phone to his head. At first, he mumbled incoherent words and pulled his face from the pillow, running a hand down it. "Castiel -" _yawn_ " - Novak."

"Castiel?" A small voice on the other line spoke and Castiel's brows knit together in confusion and he sat up, running a hand through his hair slowly. "Castiel, are you there?" The voice sounded familiar to Castiel, until he was pulled from his half-asleep haze and he realized who the person was on the other line.

"Gabriel, what - what're you doing calling so early?" Castiel breathed heavy and blinked his eyes a few times, while scrubbing a hand down the side of his face. He couldn't hear anything on the other line, except for the sound of sobs and his chest tightened. "Hey, what's wrong, buddy?"

"Can you -" Gabriel started, but Castiel could hear him choking on a sob and his chest felt like it was burning. Tears threatened to fall from his own eyes and he sighed, waiting for the kid to continue. "I don't feel good, Castiel.. Mommy is asleep with - with Sam.." Castiel was on his feet the moment Gabriel said he wasn't feeling well and he was heading to his closet, phone clutched in his hand.

"I'll be right there, okay? And how did you get my number, Gabriel?" Castiel opened the closet and grabbed random clothes, yanking a pair of pants on. No answer came from the other line and Castiel felt his heart drum rapidly against his ribs, and he slipped a shirt on quickly, before pulling the phone back just in time to hear Gabriel answer.

"Mommy's phone was on the table… I saw your name, I'm s-s-sorry I called.." Gabriel was crying harder and Castiel half-ran out of his bedroom, bending down at the door, cradling the phone between his shoulder and head.

"Gabriel, don't apologize, okay? It's completely fine that you called me - perfect, even. I'll be there in a few minutes, don't worry." Castiel waited for Gabriel to say okay before hanging up and grabbing his keys. He walked out of the apartment, paused briefly to lock his door, before making his way down the hallway. Not waiting on the elevator, Castiel ran down the steps and jumped off the last two, to get onto the next set.

When he had gotten to the bottom, Castiel stopped to catch his breath, before running out onto the sidewalk, whistling and waving his hand for a taxi. He didn't wait for the car to come to full stop before opening the door and practically yelling the address at the driver.

The car started moving and Castiel leaned back against the seat, panting and fully awake, his heart racing harder than before. He wasn't paying attention to anything around them; not to the cab driver asking if he was alright, or to his sudden, incessant singing. Clenching his eyes shut, Castiel ran both hands down the sides of his face, and down either side of his neck.

Soon enough, the cab came to a stop and Castiel's eyes blinked open, and he fished around in his pocket for money, before throwing it at the driver and getting out. Before he shut the door, Castiel could hear curse words coming from the front seat and he shrugged them off, slamming the door before running up the stairs. He didn't knock, just wiggled the doorknob and was surprised when it wasn't locked. Opening the door, he stepped inside and removed his shoes, before walking into the living room.

Gabriel was laying on the couch, covered in a Spiderman blanket, with a pillow under his head and Castiel walked around, sitting on the coffee table in front of him. His chest tightened again and he swallowed hard, lifting a hand to press his palm against Gabriel's forehead. He was burning up and Castiel brought his hand up, smoothing the boy's hair back.

"Gabriel." Castiel's voice was soft and he watched as the little boy blinked his eyes open, setting them on Castiel. Chuckling softly, and blinking back tears, Castiel dropped his hand to the cushion on front of Gabriel. "How are you feeling, buddy?" Gabriel shook his head in response and Castiel could see dried up tears on his cheeks.

"My tummy hurts, and I feel like 'mma get sick.." Gabriel croaked the words out and Castiel nodded slowly, bringing his hand back up, smoothing the kid's hair back again. He watched as Gabriel shut his eyes and pulled his hand away, leaning back a bit, just watching the little boy. Then he remembered what Gabriel had said, and he clenched his fists, jaw set before he stood.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Castiel told Gabriel, watching him nod, before heading down the hall and stopping in front of Meg's bedroom. He tried to doorknob - locked, of course - and then banged his fist on the door, before sliding both hands onto either side of the door, leaning against it. As he waited, Castiel could hear someone grumbling behind the door and he closed his eyes, breathing heavily through his nose.

When the door opened, Castiel opened his eyes and looked at Sam, who was standing half-naked in the doorway. His hair was out of place and he was yawning, his expression one of confusion the moment their eyes locked. Rolling his eyes, Castiel pushed past Sam and walked into the room, stopping at the end of the bed, watching as Meg sat up, pulling the blankets over her chest. She opened her mouth to say something, but Castiel lifted a hand, silencing her.

"That goes for you too, Sasquatch," Castiel turned, throwing a glare at Sam, before turning back to Meg, shaking his head. "Do you know why I'm here?" Meg shook her head and Castiel nodded, laughing softly. "Gabriel called me not too long ago. Wanna know what he said?" She nodded again, her eyes wide and Castiel ran a hand through his hair, scratching at the nape of his neck.

"He calls me, _crying_, telling me he doesn't feel good, and that mommy's still asleep with Sam." Castiel couldn't stop himself from shaking with angry, but he kept his voice down, not wanting to wake Gabriel, or scare him. "So, I came all the way over here, and guess what? The kid's got a fever - a _high_one, too - and so I come down the hallway and try to open your door… And guess what? It's locked. What kind of mother does that?"

"Castiel, I think —" Sam started, and Castiel turned to him, shaking his head and chuckling harshly. He dropped his arms at his sides and clenched his fists as he stared at Sam, raising a brow at him.

"You think what? That you're Gabriel's father? Because if you were _smart_, you would realize that he looks nothing like you. Where do you think his blue eyes came from?" Castiel cocked his head to the side, and gave Sam a grin, turning back to Meg. "Or his black hair, or his love for nature and science and reading? I'm sure that Sammy boy here," he motioned back toward Sam, "doesn't read, nor does he have black hair or blue eyes. How long was it going to take you to realize it, Meg?"

Castiel moved so that he was standing next to the bed, and he knelt down, eyes softening on Meg's. "Or did you realize it already, but didn't bother acknowledging the fact that he looks _exactly_ like me?"

"I - I noticed it, Castiel, I just didn't think it was possible." Meg's eyes dropped from Castiel's and he sighed heavily, standing up and sliding both hands onto the back of his neck. He turned back and walked to the door, stopping in the doorway and turned again, looking at Sam.

"He's my son, Sam. I don't know if you're really that stupid, or you just want to believe that he's yours no matter what, but he isn't. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take care of _my_ child." With that, Castiel turned on his heels and marched back down the hall, walking back into the living room and sitting on the coffee table again. Gabriel's eyes opened the moment Castiel sat down and he smiled down at him, lifting his hand to feel his forehead again.

"You've got a fever, so I'm going to go look for some children's Tylenol, okay? If we don't have any, I'll go to the store and get some for you. Is there anything else you could want?" Castiel brought his hand back and clasped it with the other, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked at Gabriel.

"P-popsicles?" Gabriel bit his bottom lip and Castiel chuckled, nodding his head before standing. "Castiel?" The little boy's voice pulled Castiel's attention down and he lifted a brow, humming quietly. "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course I will, I won't leave unless your mommy tells me to." Castiel smiled down at Gabriel and ruffled his hair, before walking out of the living room and back down the hall. As he walked toward the bathroom, he watched as Sam walked out of Meg's room and he couldn't help but grin. They passed each other and Castiel ducked into the bathroom, rummaging around the cabinet, with no luck. After shutting the cabinet, he walked back out and into the living room, seeing Meg sitting on the couch with Gabriel.

"I'm gonna go get some Tylenol for him, you need anything?" Castiel asked, without looking at Meg, as he walked to the door and slipped his shoes on. He hadn't heard the couch springs squeak, and didn't notice Meg was standing next to him until he turned. Yelping, he lifted a hand to his hair and tugged it back slowly.

"We need to talk, when you get back." Was all Meg said before she turned and walked back to the living room, before dropping onto the couch with Gabriel. Castiel nodded to himself, and walked out of the door, heading down the steps and onto the sidewalk. He turned left and walked down the street, hands shoved in his pockets as he thought about what he just did.

Half an hour later, he was sitting on the coffee table at Meg's, handing Gabriel a popsicle as he took the medicine cup from him. Smiling at the little boy, Castiel stood and walked to the kitchen, rinsing the cup out before putting it on the top of the medicine bottle. After that was done, he walked out of the kitchen and down the hall, making his way to Meg's room. He pushed the door open and shut it with his foot, before walking to the bed, sitting on the edge.

"How did you do it, Castiel?" Meg sighed the words and he shrugged his shoulders, chuckling lightly as he lifted a hand to run his fingers through his hair. When Meg wrapped her hand around his wrist, he dropped his hand down and looked at the bed sheet, picking at it as he mumbled.

"I barely remember it, but…" Castiel sighed heavily and tilted his head, turning his attention back to Meg. "It was the night of your stupid pregnancy party, and Ruby gave me something, I think, and all I remember are Victoria Secret's Angels, and switching the sperms."

A silence fell between them and Castiel pulled a leg onto the bed, folding it under the other, as he watched Meg carefully. She had dropped her eyes away from his and he could feel his chest burning again. He knew that she wouldn't forgive him - he wouldn't forgive himself, either - and he sighed, lifting a hand to brush across hers.

"I only did it because I'm in love with you, and _I_ wanted to have a kid with you. Plus, Sam was - fuck, that guy was perfect, and I knew that he was better than me.." Castiel trailed off and he dropped his gaze, watching as he brushed his thumb over Meg's knuckles slowly. "And I was drunk and high, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but you were gone and I had forgotten about it, until I saw Gabriel." Chuckling, he slipped his thumb over Meg's slowly, lifting his gaze to look up at her through his eyelashes.

"But I want this," Castiel squeezed her hand and brought his free one up, cupping her jaw and lifting her gaze until their eyes were locked. "I want it more than anything, and I didn't even know I wanted it until you came back and I spent time with Gabriel… and I _need_ him in my life, Meg… Not seeing him for all that time killed me, and I - I can't deal with not seeing him, or you.."

"Castiel, I -" Meg stopped and sighed heavily, turning her hand up and lacing their fingers together. Despite himself, Castiel sighed and leaned in, shaking his head as Meg opened her mouth to say something else, but he silenced her. Their lips slotted together and Castiel cupped Meg's jaw lightly as he kissed her slowly, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply through his nose. The kiss didn't last long before Meg broke it, and Castiel pressed their foreheads together, breathing softly.

"You want it too, and I know you do. How happy could you be with Sam, when you know nothing about him - _and _when he's not Gabriel's dad?" Castiel whispered as he ran his fingertips down Meg's jaw lightly, opening his eyes to study hers quietly. Tears were rimming her golden brown eyes and he swallows hard, bringing his thumb to swipe underneath her eye.

"I do want it, but I don't know, how are we going to tell Gabriel that you're his dad?" Meg's voice cracked and Castiel chuckled, gathering her in his arms and shaking his head, resting his chin on top of her head. To his surprise, Meg seemed to relax in his arms and he held her close, rubbing a hand up and down her back slowly.

"I think he already knows, Meg. He's smart, and even if he doesn't know, I don't think he'll have a hard time adjusting to it.." Castiel pressed his face against Meg's hair, sighing deeply. "So, Meg Masters, will you allow me to be part of your family?" He whispered the words against her hair and listened to her laugh, before feeling her head move up and down slowly.

"Yes, you can be a part of our family." Meg pulled away and locked her arms around Castiel's neck, before pulling him into a kiss. Sighing, Castiel moved his hand to her hips and leaned her back against the headboard, licking her bottom lip. The kiss was longer than the last, and Castiel was about to deepen it when he heard someone knocking at the bedroom door. Pulling away and licking his lip, Castiel smiled at Meg and turned his head toward the door.

"It's open, Gabriel!" He yelled softly, watching the door open, his eyes settling on Gabriel, who stood in the door way with a popsicle in one hand, and his blanket and pillow in the other. "Hey, buddy - come on in." Castiel smiled and rolled over onto his back so he was laying next to Meg, keeping a space between them so Gabriel could climb in.

Gabriel smiled and handed his popsicle to Meg before climbing onto the bed and laying in the space between Castiel and his mother, putting the pillow under his head. Castiel covered him up with the blanket and watched as Meg laid down on the other side o him, putting an arm underneath Gabriel's pillow, her hand going directly to Castiel's hair. Sighing happily, Castiel closed his eyes and folded his hands on his stomach, feeling Meg's fingers rake through his hair.

In that moment, Castiel was happier than he had ever been in his life, and he fell asleep with his son and Meg by his side. He was complete, and his life was better than ever; he finally had what he wanted, and what he _needed_, and he didn't need anything else. All Castiel cared about, at that moment, was his little family, and taking care of them; cared about Gabriel, and Meg, and he loved both of them.


End file.
